Formula Oppo: The Liberty Media Grand Prix of Austria

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 03/24/2017 at 12:05 • Filed to: FO

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Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Bernie, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones; so let it be with Bernie. The 2017 season of Formula Oppo has begun! This week like every year we head on down to the Outback Steakhouse of Austria for the opening stage of fantasy racing. Cue the music!

This year, everything changes. The douchebag supreme hath been dethroned by an American media company. Tires are wider. Wings are larger. Cars are faster with more power and aerodynamics, (well, unless you’re McLaren). Last year’s champion, Princess Rosberg decided to be a one hit wonder and retired. Jenson Button happily retired from the Honda power plant. Bottas is now with Mercedes. Felipe Massa is, uh, um, back with Williams after they showed up at his cabin in the woods while he was chopping firewood saying, “We need you back, Felipe.” Manor F1 has left the building. More divers were shuffled about. My tournament bracket is fucking shot. Holy fucking shit, this season, you guys.

On to the racing this week. We begin the season, as always, on a street circuit. Will Mercedes maintain their absolute dominance? Can Ferrari find their way back to the front? Has Red Bull regained their wings? Will Williams new boy become the new Crashtor? Has Haas got a chance at higher up results? Have you seen Vijay Mallya? Can Sauber find a way to score points now that those pesky Manor cars are gone from the grid? Did Nico Hulkenberg bring his good luck to Renault? How many laps will McLaren’s Honda power units survive?

Your Drivers:

Lewis Hamilton- Mercedes

Valtteri Bottas- Mercedes

Daniel Ricciardo- Red Bull

Max Verstappen- Red Bull

Sebastian Vettel- Ferrari

Kimi Raikkonen- Ferrari

Sergio Perez- Force India

Esteban Ocon- Force India

Felipe Massa- Williams

Lance Stroll- Williams

Fernando Alonso- McLaren

Stoffel Vandoorne- McLaren

Daniil Kvyat- Toro Rosso

Carlos Sainz Jr- Toro Rosso

Romain Grosjean- Haas

Kevin Magnussen- Haas

Nico Hulkenberg- Renault

Jolyon Palmer- Renault

Marcus Ericsson- Sauber

{Pascal Wehrlein} Antonio Giovinazzi- Sauber

My picks:

Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Sebastian Vettel

3. Valtteri Bottas

Curse: Fernando Alonso’s engine shall decide that it had rather be a paperweight leaving him to take a nice stroll around Albert Park.

For the rest of you, you have until Q1 to make your picks or they will not count! Good luck!

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/18/2017 at 22:05

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jvirgs drives a Subaru > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/18/2017 at 22:06

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Q. HAM

1. HAM

2. VET

3. BOT

Curse: The Mclaren-Honda power? unit

Hot Takes Salesman > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/18/2017 at 22:52

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q. Valtteri

1. Valtteri

2. Vettel

3. Hamilfuck

Lets see how this goes. I’m fully prepared for Ferrari to excite my Italian heritage and dreams of red victory, only to be comprehensively disappointed for the whole season.

Hot Takes Salesman > jvirgs drives a Subaru 03/18/2017 at 22:53

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Easy curse, but extremely likely.

hike > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/19/2017 at 00:09

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Q: Bottas

1: Ham

2: Bottas

3: Riccardo

Curse: whoever the McLaren driver that isn’t Alonso is.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/19/2017 at 06:13

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q. Ham

1 Ham

2. Bot

3. Ric

curse Van Doorne

RTeeJay > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/19/2017 at 15:53

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Q. Vettel

1. Vettel

2. Hamilton

3. Raikkonen

Curse. Stoffel

Wheelerguy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 12:39

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No Mythic Corner onboard collection for prologue, so here I go:

Gina, Seb’s new car, is gonna be the pole dancer this race weekend, but the pair will be behind race winner Richard Hamilton (because overtaking might be pure scheiße) and...

..and...

...and...

...and...

..and...

...and...

...oh Jesus...

...and...

Ayn Rand. I mean Boots “The Monkey” Anson-Roa. I mean Valtteri. Not gonna risk losing 5 points cussin’.

71MGBGT Likes Subarus of Unusual Colors > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 18:33

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Q. Hamilton

1. Hamilton

2. Vettel

3. Bottas

Sorry I flaked last year, life got a little crazy for me. I’ll try and keep up this year.

interstate366, now In The Industry > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 19:15

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Q: Hamilton

Podium: Hamilton, Bottas, Vettel.

Curse: the ghost of the Prelude haunts the McLaren-Honda units

SOCdriver > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 19:16

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I think there will be much gnashing of teeth at the end of this race.

Q. Vettel

1. Hamilton

2. Vettel

3. Raikkonen

Curse: Nico Hulkenberg, no points for you!

AntiSpeed > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 19:24

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Watch out for those alpine kangaroos! They’re slightly more docile than the original but they are expert skiers.

Greenmobile Supremo Commando, BRZ Extrordinare > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 19:26

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Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Sebastian Vettel

2. Lewis Hamilton

3. Daniel Riccardo

This is really hard, because it seems everyone has been sandbagging during testing (at least the teams at the front of the pack).

Curse: Honda’s GP2 engine (Formula 2 now dammit) will call it quits early in the race, and Alonso will be left to think about what he would rather be doing.

Phyrxes once again has a wagon! > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 19:26

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Maybe my predictions won’t look like last years where I largely flipped a coin to decide 1st or 2nd between the silver arrows most weeks.

Q. Vettel

1. Vettel

2. Riccardo

3. Kimi

No Curse, saving all the good vibes so just maybe both McLarens actually finish.

i'm gonna run an amg project one up to 30k > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 19:48

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Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Daniel Ricciardo

3. Valteri Bottas

wild guess: the McLaren power unit is gonna take a shit but the car will be beautifully orange as it loses

190octane > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 20:15

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I’m playing this year...

Q: Raikkonen

1. Hamilton

2. Raikkonen

3. Vettel

Curse: Stroll goes full Pastor.

PatBateman > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 21:39

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My picks:

¯\_()_/¯

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 21:44

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Q. Lewis Hamilton

1. Lewis Hamilton

2. Sebastian Vettel

3. Valtteri Bottas

Where are the roos?

ceanderson920 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 22:13

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Q: Vet

1: Vet

2: Kimi

3: HAM

Curse: Strolly olly

pirates-ecu > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/22/2017 at 22:39

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FUCK YEAH A MILLION TIMES.... set the mental alarm clock to check for the thread and here we are.

Good luck with the season everyone. This has been so fun the last few years. I won the first one, and fought to the wire till the end in a 1-2 battle, till the last race boinked me, and i think i finished 5th.

Who won last year i need to add his name to the golden bernie. I am also going to step up in the next few months and buy us trophies. I am going to buy 10 and we will have the next 8 years covered.

GOLDEN BERNIES FOR ALL!!!!!

GulfRealty30A_Cars&Houses > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/24/2017 at 09:34

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My favorite moment of the year is the driver interviews where they are asking what the drivers would like to change. Vettel had his sad wish for a German GP. And the Lewis & Ricciardo crack jokes about all the places in the US they want to race.

And then poor Alonso brings the whole mood down “I’d like equal engines”

It’s hard to feel bad for someone who is making the amount of money he is making. But I understand just wanting to compete. And I can’t help think he would personally pay every dime of his salary to Mercedes to get a Mercedes engine installed in his McLaren.

EL_ULY > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/24/2017 at 12:10

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Q. Alo

1. Hul

2. Pal

3.Kvy

C. Bot

KnowsAboutCars > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/24/2017 at 12:10

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Q. Bottas

1. Hamilton

2. Bottas

3. Räikkönen

sonicgabe > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/24/2017 at 12:30

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Super glad this is back! Thanks for all the hard work you do on this, good sir Arch Duke. Thank you.

With that being said, my picks are:

Pole: Lewis

1: Lewis

2: Bottas

3: Vettel

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/24/2017 at 14:14

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Q HAM

1 HAM

2 VET

3 BOT

No curse.

Was für ein Arschloch > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/24/2017 at 22:09

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Q - Ham

Win - Ham

Place - Vet

Show - Ric

Curse - Bot with a tragic third lap engine failure

For Sweden > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/25/2017 at 00:04

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FO LETS GOOOOOOOOO

Q. HAM

BOT

HAM

VET

pirates-ecu > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/25/2017 at 01:12

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pole - Vettel
1. vettel

2 botas

3 ham mother fucking sandwich.

Ferrari found another gear in p3. going to be a good race.

Gated Manual > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/25/2017 at 01:26

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q. ham

1. ham

2. bøt

3. vët

good on ya mate!

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > For Sweden 03/25/2017 at 01:40

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Edit - kinja’d

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/25/2017 at 01:41

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Q - HAM

1 - Ham

2 - Vet

3 - Ric

Curse to Bottas who gets away slow before being taken out by a fast-starting Verstappen.

Zhud > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/25/2017 at 03:40

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How can I get authorship on Oppo? I’d really like to talk about Formula 1, technical works and drama as well... I dunno, I’m a huge fan, engineer, like wasting time... what can I do?

SOCdriver > SOCdriver 03/26/2017 at 11:30

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AHAHAHAHA, Vettel wins and no points for Nico.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Greenmobile Supremo Commando, BRZ Extrordinare 03/26/2017 at 13:09

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Nice picking!

Greenmobile Supremo Commando, BRZ Extrordinare > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 03/26/2017 at 13:25

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Thanks! I surprised myself to be honest; feel bad for Ricciardo though, he didn’t have much luck at all this weekend.

sonicgabe > sonicgabe 03/26/2017 at 14:33

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D’oh!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Greenmobile Supremo Commando, BRZ Extrordinare 03/26/2017 at 15:10

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Yeah, sucks for it to go that way for him at home.

Hot Takes Salesman > Hot Takes Salesman 03/27/2017 at 21:18

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I FUCKED IT

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 03/29/2017 at 19:17

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Is this a DNF or am I a backmarker?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 04/01/2017 at 19:09

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I’ll give you the 0 points and not a DNS

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Wheelerguy 04/01/2017 at 19:12

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Next time please make your picks in the outlined fashion. Have to decipher nonsense takes too long.